Some people might say that I have a charmed life...well, honestly, I do. There are, however, things I stress over and I'm not sure why. Here's a little of what's happening in my world at this moment. Will and I have been doing a lot of thinking about our future. He tries to find ways to make our life better...I'm not sure what he's thinking, but I'm up for anything he throws at me. A marriage is a partnership and I'm willing to do what it takes to make ours as perfect as it can possibly be. :) He came to me last week with this idea...he thinks we should buy an RV and live in it while we're in California! I always told myself that I'd never live in a trailer, but I suppose an RV is a little different...and nicer. I don't think I would live in anything that was trashy...just couldn't do it. Man, I sound like a snob...I'm really not...just a very clean person. Anyway, if we were to do that, we would have to sell our furniture and most of our possessions. I'm on board with that, except, of course, my sewing machine, our bed, exercise equipment and anything that is sentimental to us. :) So, now it's out there...what will we do? The problems we've run into with having an RV is that most parks have a 2 dog limit or it's just as expensive as a house, which is dumb, but that's California! We thought about buying a house because the housing market is so low, but then, nobody is really loaning money since we're in the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. I honestly don't think that will affect us since the movie industry makes it through almost everything, but it's still scary. Will decided to take that staff position offered to him by CafeFX...again. He's worked with them (freelance) for 5 yrs so he knows how they operate and he couldn't have received a better offer somewhere else. He was hired as CG Supervisor with great pay and full benefits...which is awesome, since we want babies in the near future. Oh, that's another reason I wasn't sure about the RV. What if I become pregnant? Then we're right back where we started, as far as spending too much money on rent or a mortgage. OMG! California is soooo expensive. It's not that we can't afford living here, we can...it's just so ridiculous to spend this much on anything. Ok, so that's where we are, as far as our future.
Ok, this next part sucks. Anyone who has ever had that one thing they were proud of in their life will understand this. I began dancing at the age of 3. I danced until I was about 18, quit for a while, danced again when I was 22-23, then again when I started college at 28. So, I didn't dance every year, except when I was very young, but I've been doing it the majority of my life. I'm telling you this so you'll have a better understanding as to why this hurts me so badly (physically and emotionally). When I was 14, my mom took me to see a doctor for my right knee. It had been hurting for years because I was so hard on my body from dancing 6 days a week and 2-3 hours a day. The doctor told me it was my choice, but that I should consider surgery. At that time, he informed me that, if I decide to go through with it, I might never be able to dance again. Well, that was out of the question. My knee eventually stopped hurting and I kept right on dancing. I was thinking, "Oh good, no surgery for me!!" My knee was okay for years. Even the years I wasn't dancing, I worked out, so I was still hard on my body, just not in the same way. I became a certified aerobics instructor in my mid 20s. When I was 28, I joined the dance company at my college and was dancing performance (kind of a mix), jazz, tap, hip-hop, modern and even ballet (which I hate, but have been told I'm good at it...yuck!) hehe. I LOVED it!!!! It was awesome to be dancing again and making friends with people who had the same dream. All I ever wanted was to dance. All of my family and friends have said that I should teach, so I decided to make dance my major! I just couldn't get enough of it. Well, in my 3rd year in the dance company, my right knee started to hurt again. No biggie, I just wore my knee brace and it was fine. I did have to modify some things, but I was still dancing. There was no stopping me. My last huge dance performance (I was in 10 out of 13 dance #s) was April 2006. I continued dancing in the Fall of that same year but wasn't able to finish due to Will accepting a job in Cali, which I was all for, since it would help with his career. I figured there had to be dance studios in California...I mean, Los Angeles is the entertainment capital of the world or something, right? Or is that Vegas?? haha Anyway, I did find a tap class once a week and I loved it! I was the youngest person in the class, which was a change of pace, since I was always the oldest in my college dance company...haha. I was even older than my instructor, which she liked to rub in, and still does! Everything was great, then we moved again and I had to find another dance studio. It turns out that even dance is expensive here...go figure..haha! But I did find a really cool studio with people my age...finally! Well, except the instructor...again, she is younger. Not that it bothers me, I just think it's funny. I really like this class. I didn't mention this before, but tap is the one style of dance that I did less than any other style. I must have a knack for it because when I joined the college dance company my instructor put me with intermediate and by the 3rd semester, I was in the advanced class. I guess it's from the training I've had with everything else...especially ballet...yuck! ha! Well, this current one is an advanced class with a lot of fast foot work and it's all cardio, which I love in tap! There is also a lot of jumping, which is not so good for the knees. I was doing great until about 3 weeks ago when we had to do single pull backs. Ok, double pull backs are a bitch, but single...OMG. It's basically putting all of your weight on one leg while you jump...not good. Oh, just so you know, I've put on about 50 lbs since I was in my 20s, so the extra weight doesn't help, which I'm working on. I'm not fat or anything, just much larger than before I turned 30. I was always so friggin' skinny. Well, the damn single pull backs killed my knee. The worst part is that it isn't my bad knee, it's my good knee. Yes, something snapped or cracked or tore...not sure yet. All I know is that it friggin' hurts!! The weird thing is that I can walk, but my range of motion is limited and it hurts to put too much weight on it. I also can't straighten my leg completely. I went to tap class last night, as I try to do every Tuesday, and I did my best to keep up. I didn't realize how badly it hurt until last night. I missed 2 weeks of dance because I was trying to rest my knee. Apparently, that didn't do any good. Ok, now you're thinking, what a wimp!!! Not even close. I am a wimp with many things, but not with that. Dancers learn to live with pain. I've danced with sprained ankles and wrists, bruises from rolling around and falling on the floor (on purpose, yes we do that in dance...ha). Adrenalin is an amazing thing. Well, I had to leave class early because I was in so much pain and wasn't really finishing any of the dance moves. I have realized that I might never dance again. I'm trying to rest my knee as much as possible, but I think seeing a doctor could be my only solution. We have to wait for Will's insurance to start, though. That will take 30 days, I think...so after that, I'll have an answer. I'll go to tap next week but I'll wear my knee brace...maybe that'll help. I'm tellin' ya...I can NOT be stopped!!! Anyone who knows me, knows that dancing is what I do and who I am. I've never known anything else and I am so scared of it being ripped away from me. I never imagined the day I would come home to my husband to tell him that I couldn't do it...I couldn't tap because of the pain. So, there's my story...
I do still miss my Calliope and I think about her everyday. I hope she is happy in heaven and knows how much we miss and love her.
Oh, I didn't see Wicked...something came up and I had to sell the tickets to Todd...damnit. Maybe I can get Wilson to take me...hehehe.
Until tomorrow...
Ok, this next part sucks. Anyone who has ever had that one thing they were proud of in their life will understand this. I began dancing at the age of 3. I danced until I was about 18, quit for a while, danced again when I was 22-23, then again when I started college at 28. So, I didn't dance every year, except when I was very young, but I've been doing it the majority of my life. I'm telling you this so you'll have a better understanding as to why this hurts me so badly (physically and emotionally). When I was 14, my mom took me to see a doctor for my right knee. It had been hurting for years because I was so hard on my body from dancing 6 days a week and 2-3 hours a day. The doctor told me it was my choice, but that I should consider surgery. At that time, he informed me that, if I decide to go through with it, I might never be able to dance again. Well, that was out of the question. My knee eventually stopped hurting and I kept right on dancing. I was thinking, "Oh good, no surgery for me!!" My knee was okay for years. Even the years I wasn't dancing, I worked out, so I was still hard on my body, just not in the same way. I became a certified aerobics instructor in my mid 20s. When I was 28, I joined the dance company at my college and was dancing performance (kind of a mix), jazz, tap, hip-hop, modern and even ballet (which I hate, but have been told I'm good at it...yuck!) hehe. I LOVED it!!!! It was awesome to be dancing again and making friends with people who had the same dream. All I ever wanted was to dance. All of my family and friends have said that I should teach, so I decided to make dance my major! I just couldn't get enough of it. Well, in my 3rd year in the dance company, my right knee started to hurt again. No biggie, I just wore my knee brace and it was fine. I did have to modify some things, but I was still dancing. There was no stopping me. My last huge dance performance (I was in 10 out of 13 dance #s) was April 2006. I continued dancing in the Fall of that same year but wasn't able to finish due to Will accepting a job in Cali, which I was all for, since it would help with his career. I figured there had to be dance studios in California...I mean, Los Angeles is the entertainment capital of the world or something, right? Or is that Vegas?? haha Anyway, I did find a tap class once a week and I loved it! I was the youngest person in the class, which was a change of pace, since I was always the oldest in my college dance company...haha. I was even older than my instructor, which she liked to rub in, and still does! Everything was great, then we moved again and I had to find another dance studio. It turns out that even dance is expensive here...go figure..haha! But I did find a really cool studio with people my age...finally! Well, except the instructor...again, she is younger. Not that it bothers me, I just think it's funny. I really like this class. I didn't mention this before, but tap is the one style of dance that I did less than any other style. I must have a knack for it because when I joined the college dance company my instructor put me with intermediate and by the 3rd semester, I was in the advanced class. I guess it's from the training I've had with everything else...especially ballet...yuck! ha! Well, this current one is an advanced class with a lot of fast foot work and it's all cardio, which I love in tap! There is also a lot of jumping, which is not so good for the knees. I was doing great until about 3 weeks ago when we had to do single pull backs. Ok, double pull backs are a bitch, but single...OMG. It's basically putting all of your weight on one leg while you jump...not good. Oh, just so you know, I've put on about 50 lbs since I was in my 20s, so the extra weight doesn't help, which I'm working on. I'm not fat or anything, just much larger than before I turned 30. I was always so friggin' skinny. Well, the damn single pull backs killed my knee. The worst part is that it isn't my bad knee, it's my good knee. Yes, something snapped or cracked or tore...not sure yet. All I know is that it friggin' hurts!! The weird thing is that I can walk, but my range of motion is limited and it hurts to put too much weight on it. I also can't straighten my leg completely. I went to tap class last night, as I try to do every Tuesday, and I did my best to keep up. I didn't realize how badly it hurt until last night. I missed 2 weeks of dance because I was trying to rest my knee. Apparently, that didn't do any good. Ok, now you're thinking, what a wimp!!! Not even close. I am a wimp with many things, but not with that. Dancers learn to live with pain. I've danced with sprained ankles and wrists, bruises from rolling around and falling on the floor (on purpose, yes we do that in dance...ha). Adrenalin is an amazing thing. Well, I had to leave class early because I was in so much pain and wasn't really finishing any of the dance moves. I have realized that I might never dance again. I'm trying to rest my knee as much as possible, but I think seeing a doctor could be my only solution. We have to wait for Will's insurance to start, though. That will take 30 days, I think...so after that, I'll have an answer. I'll go to tap next week but I'll wear my knee brace...maybe that'll help. I'm tellin' ya...I can NOT be stopped!!! Anyone who knows me, knows that dancing is what I do and who I am. I've never known anything else and I am so scared of it being ripped away from me. I never imagined the day I would come home to my husband to tell him that I couldn't do it...I couldn't tap because of the pain. So, there's my story...
I do still miss my Calliope and I think about her everyday. I hope she is happy in heaven and knows how much we miss and love her.
Oh, I didn't see Wicked...something came up and I had to sell the tickets to Todd...damnit. Maybe I can get Wilson to take me...hehehe.
Until tomorrow...
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